Excerpt of “No Surprises”

by Nancy Alvarez

The following excerpt is from Nancy Alvarez’s story, “No Surprises,” one of our honorable mentions:

In January 2020, I dutifully had my annual medical exam. I wasn’t expecting any surprises – just like the countless, previous years. However, a suspicious growth was found. Further tests revealed the cyst was very small and needed rechecking in three months. I anxiously awaited the next medical appointment, counting the days. And then the pandemic lockdown hit. Going to the doctor for a non-emergency procedure became out of the question. Our medical clinic closed and the doctors weren’t seeing patients, anyway.

I waited eight months before they repeated the tests. A very long time to wonder. And then another surprise came. There were now two cysts and the first one had grown. I was immediately ushered to see a surgeon. This doctor seemed overly eager to cut into me. Words like axillary glands, aggressive, stage 2, malignancy, mastectomy, and biopsy floated in the air around me and then latched themselves onto my brain. I remained calm outwardly, but inwardly questions rose up like a flock of birds flying south. I was in shock. I stumbled out of the clinic and couldn’t remember which button on the elevator to push. Thank you, Lord, for my steady, unflappable husband.

This news began a flurry of internet searches and calls to friends in the U.S. where there was a thirteen-hour time difference. Their stories, advice and encouragements were as sweet as the finest, dark chocolate melting in my mouth. Those who had gone before me in their own cancer journeys listened well and shared their insights. Their resilience boosted my courage.

I live in the Philippines on an island called Iloilo (eelow-eelow), a place filled with medical schools and known for excellent medical care. Nonetheless, as an American, I thought going back to the U.S. would be the best option, with all the latest methods available. But flying became complicated and too many unknowns made it ill-advised. At least my sweet dog — an angel in a furry disguise — would be by my side at my own cozy home in Iloilo City.

Next, came all the tests. Each lone visit to the hospital (no companions allowed) required a variety of protocols: temperature taking, contact tracing information, you know the drill. All this increased my chances of exposure to the virus. And of course, I also needed the infamous COVID swab test.

Iloilo, Philippines

Entering an area where lines of people waited for the same test gave me the eerie impression that if I didn’t have COVID already, I’d probably get it here. I restlessly waited my turn in the hot and humid receiving area. Although the swab was painful, I tried to focus on the front liners performing this risky procedure day after day. Empathy for them helped keep self-pity at bay.

Then the two-week self-isolation period began. My husband couldn’t reassure me with kisses and hugs in this limbo phase. Thankfully, I could hug my dog as often as I wanted.

Normally, when I’m waiting, I want to keep busy, distracting myself with mall therapy and lunch dates. However, in this season I could no longer even go to the grocery store for a break from the monotony and relentless speculating. So, while pondering what was coming next, I prayed and read the Bible more than usual…